Facing Your Past

I think everyone has struggled with this throughout their lives. Trying to run away from something that follows you relentlessly, hoping that if you push it back into the cellars of your mind, that maybe you’ll forget about it too. For example, I did something very embarrassing in the classroom in Primary 4 whilst waiting for the teacher to correct my maths workbook. And yes, I am still too embarrassed, even now to say what I did. I’m sure a lot of you know or can guess, it used to be quite a hot topic among those I went to school with.

Sometimes, however, the incident is much more complicated than a simple childhood event. Maybe it’s a period of your life, or an event, or something that has happened to you. You want to grow and develop into a new butterfly, leaving the shell of your past behind you. But can we throw it away? Or do we secretly keep it to remember what happened in the hope that it will indeed help us develop into something new.

When I was going through a dark period of my life as a teenager, I changed into a person who was definitely not myself. I hid the cheerful, joyful person I was under the dark cloak of this new personality that wasn’t me. I acted different around others, and some people didn’t even know who I was anymore. Even I didn’t, to be honest. The things I did to hurt myself hurt those close to me, which I didn’t want to happen, but it did anyway. Now, thinking back at those things I feel horrible, like I’m a terrible person and that I don’t deserve this new life that I’ve found. Through the scars on my heart and the bruises in my mind I have become the person I am now, and I’ve learned things that I wouldn’t have known existed if I didn’t get knocked down.

There are a lot of recognisable people who have had a turbulent past. For example Marshall Mathers III, also known as Eminem, grew up in a rough neighbourhood in Detroit in the USA, sufferng from intense bullying, as well as losing a few close family members. He went through mental health issues and drug addictions after losing a close friend when he was an adult (all information was sourced from Wikipedia). He is such a talented songwriter and rapper, and now he is one of the biggest hip-hop artists in the world. It really humbles me to see a person who had it extremely tough, putting his whole self into his passion and succeeding at it. As a musician, if I ever have a tiny crumb of the musical talent and success that Eminem has had, I’ll be a very lucky and blessed person indeed.

I think it’s ok to have had things in your past that you are embarrassed, scared or frightened about; this doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a human. It doesn’t take away from you; in fact, it helps you grow as a person. Only you and you alone can fully understand what you have been through, and that is absolutely beautiful because when someone is going through something similar to what you have, then you will have an understanding of their situation, and you can even help them, which is brilliant.

Everything about you is beautiful and fabulous. So keep being fabulous!

Love,

Emma x