The Biggest Danger to our Self-Esteem: The 'I' Word

Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well and that the last year or so has been great with you. I can’t believe it’s been that long; that’s ridiculous! I guess the last year has been hectic, but I’m glad that I’m back to doing one of the things that I love most: writing.

When thinking about writing another article, I promised myself to only write about something that I feel people need to hear; something I don't think I've really gone into detail before. Now, I feel like it's time to write about something that I know that the majority of people have in their lifetime; something that can destroy or strengthen your mindset in a blink. This, my friends, is described in one word: insecurities.

I was watching the new Netflix film ‘Dumplin’ – which, by the way, is freaking brilliant – and I realised something I should have known all along, but have never properly thought about before.

Just in case you haven’t seen it, Dumplin’ is about a curvy, beautiful teenager called Willowdean Dickson from Texas, whose mother is a former beauty pageant queen, and now organizes the town’s local beauty pageant. Willowdean, who has a different body shape to her mother – played by the legendary Jennifer Aniston – has always found it hard to relate to her mother and her interest for the pageant and the lifestyle that is entails, so signs up for the competition, to protest against what the competition – and therefore, her mother – stand for.

It was during the film that I realised, that the main thing holding the protagonist Will from accessing her true and mighty self, were her insecurities. Not just the insecurities themselves, but whether they define her, to the point where people didn't see the person she was, but her insecurities in bold, underlined text. Hiding everything that makes her the person she is. Making her secondary to the supposed ‘words' that she thinks and feels define her.

As humans, we grow up thinking that we are the only ones in the world to feel like we do. We are conditioned to live in fear that someone is going to discover what we hate most about ourselves, and then circle it in red felt-tip pen.

But I promise you this: every single person in the world has insecurities. And I mean what I say. 

See those Victoria Secret models, Global Summit speakers and professional bodybuilders covering the headlines? They have them too.

And I don’t just mean that they just have emotional or personality-related insecurities, but physical ones too. Yes, I said it. EVERYONE has physical insecurities too: models and gym bunnies included.

The way I see it is at some point in our lives, most of us struggle to see ourselves the way others see us. And a big part of that is down to those pesky, niggling insecurities that itch under our skin and are chained to our hearts.

I think our biggest fear as humans, is that we are scared that people are going to look at us and not see us at all, but instead see those words that taunt our minds every single day:

Muffin top. Double chin. Eye stigmatism. Skin condition. Self-harm scars. No neck. Too much neck.

The list goes on and on.

And it’s so sad to know that you all feel like that at some stage in your lives.

I get it too. In the past, I used to only see my own version of those words whenever I looked in the mirror.

But if there is one thing I know now, is that the only obstacle that stops us from accessing the mighty powerhouse that lies inside each and every one of us is fear.

Well, folks. Today is the day we begin to break that mother-fudging wall down.

Now, I’m no Beverly Hills life coach or anything, but all I can say is keep doing whatever makes you feel stronger in yourself. Whether it’s saying affirmations every morning, squatting incessantly to Cardi B in the gym, meditating on your own, to even just giving yourself a mental wink in the mirror every time a negative thought about yourself floats into your mind. If it helps you and makes you feel better, keep doing it. And it might take a while, but I promise, on every Biscoff Spread jar that lives in my kitchen: you WILL get there. Keep pushing, superstar.

Sending you all love today and every day,

Em x