Can you have multiple quarter-life crises?

It’s been a couple of months since my last post and if you have read my blog before, that is often for me! Whether or not you have previously been here, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my brain babble in this small corner of the internet. This is a safe space for me to do something I love and I hope this can be that for you as well. 

It feels like everything around us is changing at an unprecedented rate at the moment; rent and mortgage prices are through the roof, somehow it’s already September and the fact I turned 18 almost a decade ago makes me feel nauseous. However, the last eight months for me personally have been somewhat… strange. I wouldn’t day it’s been a bad year; there have been lots of fun moment and I am grateful for so many things that have happened so far, but it definitely has been a turning point for many reasons.

I don’t know what it is about being in my mid-to-late-twenties - or my preferred term, a 27 year old teenager - but the last two years have forced me to think and evaluate things I never dreamed of addressing or even thinking about, and that’s daunting for most of us. For one reason or another, we are taught to speed through life like a robot on autopilot: find a job, make it through the day, eat, unwind, sleep, repeat. We are taught to keep our personal lives locked away at home and put on a mask at work, only to remove it behind closed doors and relax after a day of two responsibilities for the price of one; fulfilling our actual job role whilst simultaneously keeping our heads above water, hiding our legs and body paddling like mad to keep us there. Who knew merely existing is so draining?

Not only that, but no one prepares you for how tough being an adult is at times, and how lonely it can be. I have noticed that so many friendships have changed over the past decade, but even more so in the last couple of years. Social media has become a regular bulletin of everybody else’s successes; at least once a day someone has gotten engaged, promoted, married, pregnant or bought a house, and it feels like I accidentally subscribed to the Adult Olympics.

Don’t get me wrong; I am genuinely happy for people finding happiness and sharing it with the world, but sometimes it can affect those who don’t feel like they are achieving as much as they are “supposed” to. Most people don’t see or hear from their friends on a daily or weekly basis - sometimes it can be months - and people seem to grow apart and distance themselves over time. The real kicker? It happens way more than you think.

The Office of National Statistics (ONS) found in April 2023 that 16-29 year-olds are twice as likely to feel lonely most or all of the time than those over the age of 70. This statistic has increased by 2% since April 2021 and by 5% since April 2018 (Campaign to End Loneliness, 2023).

A study conducted by the San Diego School of Medicine found that severe loneliness occurs more than once through an adult’s lifespan, but are most commonly found within three age periods: late 20’s, mid 50’s and late 80’s. Researchers at the institute also found that three fourths of the participants in each of these age brackets report moderate to high levels of loneliness, and that there is a strong correlation to extended periods of being lonely and disruption of sleep, lack of face-to-face interactions and the most terrifying one of all? 

Out of all the symptoms listed, loneliness has the strongest correlation to diagnoses of depression (Healthline, 2021).

Understandably, people are not exactly keen to admit when or how often they feel lonely, and that’s okay. If anything, seeing these statistics alongside posts from various Facebook social groups expressing these feelings are quite comforting, especially from women around my age or older. There is so much societal pressure on us to be in a certain stage of life as soon as the hint of a wrinkle starts to appear or to act in a certain way just because we are young, and it is tiring. If there is anything I’ve learned in the last couple of years is that life is far too complex and short to live in an invisible timeline imposed upon you by society. 

It’s amazing to be kind to people, but it is also important to foster relationships that give the same level of kindness, companionship and fun in return. Despite what social media tries to tell you, most people aren’t in a secure position in life and themselves most of the time and they certainly aren’t in this position under 30 - hell, maybe not ever - and that is completely normal. Your life and how you are living it is yours and yours alone and frankly, it is no-one else’s god damned business.

I was inspired to write this after watching a film yesterday which held an incredible quote performed by the iconic Dame Emma Thompson: “Loneliness is a disease that can be deadlier than cancer”. Unfortunately, I’m beginning to think this is true. Most people hide it under the masks we wear most days but we don’t have to. Besides, is it really a mask if everyone else is wearing the same thing?

In all seriousness, loneliness is a part of life, but that does not mean we have to suffer it on our own (ironic, I know). There are 7 billion of us on earth and I believe there are more good people out there than we realise; some of them probably live 5 minutes away from you. Maybe instead of closing ourselves off when we are feeling down and out, doing the tough part by reaching out to someone and putting yourself out there might be the one of the best things you’ll ever do.

If you have managed to get to the end of this mammoth of a post, thank you for taking the time to read something I’ve been wanting to talk about for a while. I hope this helps you feel a little less lonely and if you ever need someone to listen to talk to, my comment box is just a click away (or if you know me, you know how to reach me!). Either way, I’m always here to listen and help however I can.

Take care of yourselves and I can’t wait to talk to you again very soon!

All my love,

E x